Me

Everyone always says that I'm beautiful or intelligent. Or the many variations of those words. But because of my upbringing, I don't see those things. I see a very damaged, broken, depressed, hideous monster. And I don't say that to get compliments. I say that because that's my truth. I just want you to understand, so here's some of my checkered past.

I was first molested at 8, he didn't stop til I was 12. Then my father molested me from 13 to 16. Never had parents I could lean on due to unfortunate circumstances. Mom wasn't allowed in my life in my teen years and Dad was always absent due to drugs and alcohol. Now when he was around, it was all abuse. Physical, emotional, mental, everything he did was to hurt me. And it did. Abandoned, forgotten.

That's fine. I claimed I didn't need anyone either. That I was fine alone. But then I slipped down the same road of drugs and alcohol. Every drug you can come up with I've done. Heroin, crack, coke, meth, Molly, opiates (pills), weed, and alcohol. But that never helped, so I turned to the blade. I've got scars and they're endless. That's what happens when you're hopeless.

Now I get that everyone in my life sees my life as easy or funny or whatever perspective cause everyone is different, eh? But they don't see the struggles I've gone through.

So when I trust someone or love someone, it's rare. It's genuine and all in. I don't do things lightly or without the thought of the consequences