Trapped In Wonderland

Dear Special Someone, Let me start off, by saying sorry. I’m sorry that I’ve betrayed your trust. I’m sorry that all this time you taught that I was a good friend of yours but in reality, I’m just a deceitful man cloaking in the mantle of friendship secretly loving you.

We'd been dancing around each other for so long that I forgot who made the first move. I don't remember how it started, not exactly. All I know is that one day you showed up and I couldn't imagine my life without you anymore. But we came with an expiration date. Things like this never ended well for me. And though this one had trouble written all over it, I chose to dive right in.

Love, Here goes nothing. I’m going to spill my heart out in this open-letter. You won’t see this anyway, no one will actually (except my very few followers).

We all have our insecurities, parts of us that will always be vulnerable and raw. But those parts, will always be the parts we hide from the world. It could be because you're ashamed of them or because theirs something worth hiding, but you know the real reason? 

“We are who we are” you used to say, as though we were only innocent bystanders. As though we couldn’t help what we’d become. I don’t think it’s enough of a reason and even less of an excuse. I prefer to use ‘what we’ve been through made us who we are today’, though that’s hardly any better. It gives the past too much weight. 

My mother never believed in God. She would always tell me that holiness lay in the mundane, in the most ordinary moments of life; the ones that we don't even register as they pass us by. 

When I was sixteen, I fell in love with the idea of love and this blindly led me to someone who was not even worth a single glance never mind months of my time but he told me all the sweet things I wanted to hear and I stuck around for the false sense of validation. 

You were looking a little lost that day. I remember it well: you were sitting by the pool, gazing into the water, with the sun setting to your back. Like it could not bear to see you this uncertain, it sank without warning, painting the sky orange. 

A favorite saying of my mother is "we keep a part of every single person we meet". This way we can never forget anyone, not completely. A part of them always stays with us.