Trapped In Wonderland

My world is painted with you. You are my sun and you are my moon. Without you there is no universe, there is no life. You are everything I am afraid to lose. You are my love and my light.

I  remember the first time I saw you, it was a hot summer day. The sun was beautiful and bright, but it set more quickly than I realized. I remember your eyes, they were the first thing I noticed. Maybe even the first part of you that I fell for.  In those beautiful orbs I saw universes, possibilities, and a potentially connection. I wondered what your eyes would look like if they truly saw me, but I was shy so I didn’t speak. I remember winter, and the way I shivered before I saw you. You looked different, and I couldn’t help but wonder why. The light was no longer in your eyes. You still smiled when you saw me, but I couldn’t help but notice how quickly you looked away.  I talked this time; I promise myself I would. Words slipped out of my mouth like snowflakes, and melted on your indifferent skin. Stupid. Everything gets colder in the winter, I can’t blame you for being colder too. Next fall I watched the leafs drift away, and I wondered how you were doing. If you were...

  I know you won’t check this for a very long time, so now is a good time for me to get some feelings and thoughts out in the open.

He used to admire me from afar but, then he decided to disturb my heart.

Darkness all along. Darkness who listens, darkness what eats, darkness when needed, darkness where feeds, darkness whose my friend, darkness whom I've been. 

When Angels of Darkness and Light Fall

People come and go as they please. That’s a fact. And that’s why we have doors - so we have a say in who we let in. We should have mental and emotional doors too. Because when something is a fact, and when it plays out, you can’t blame it on people.

"He used to admire me from afar..." she said tirelessly, "...but, then he decided to disturb my heart." She had no idea, that she will be captured in such a short span of time. She hadn't forgotten what it feels like to let someone finally stay inside her heart. 

- You see me and you think I’m dark, bold, secretive and harsh because I wear black and I keep to myself and I study everything, all of the time. But you don’t know that I’m just waiting for the right people to set me free from the gravity I’ve placed on myself. That my favorite color is yellow because it makes me feel light and warm and free. 

Sometimes I wonder if the memories of us will ever stop haunting me, like neverending whispers of a previous life. A life filled with happiness and peace and love. Or maybe I'm just remembering it all wrong. Maybe the happiness I'm remembering is construed and twisted. Maybe that happiness is the way my life was before I met you.

Let's give in and be together. But if we have gone backwards, before everything, that would mean I'm gonna fall for you all over again, right? Technically? Even though I already love you. I don't mind that. I just hope I don't shatter like I did before. 

I'm broken, something inside of me is broken. I can't love. The thought of love forms a pit in my stomach. The fear of being in a relationship is there and ever present. I hurt people, and I don't want to hurt anyone else. 

I like you. Much more than a friend. And I cant hold it anymore, I was holding it since october. You know at first I wasn't expecting for it to be this big, I had some crushes and they were like a week long. But not with you, oh no.

I thought I felt you forgetting me; each night you closed your eyes to sleep, I figured you would rise with one less detail about my face or my body memorized. 

I remember it. I remember it all. The first time our eyes met, my world changed. On day one, you told me not to take constructive criticisms seriously and that we don’t deserve anything less. You said you believe in me and that I have talents and potentials or maybe more. Day by day, I felt like a brand new me because I am learning a lot from you.

It's weird, isn't it? How you can fall in love with someone at the most unexpected time and it be the most unexpected person. You can fall in love with someone that isn't your ideal Prince Charming or White Knight. Weird how that is. 

Each day it gets easier without you, Not seeing you or talking. Now I still miss you, Always will. I'll still wanna talk and be friends, But can we after everything? All the late night talks, The smiles and laughs, The kisses like no other, The sex can't compare to another. You'll always have a special spot in my heart.

Your mouth smiles in this way. I can’t describe it. I can’t. Lord knows, I want to, but I can’t. Besides, who would I describe it to anyways?

There are days when I crave someone's hug. And most of the days I crave real happiness and love. I don't know why I feel so empty and blank. And I don't share these to my friends because I know how miniscule and selfish it is.

You share a home with the one whom your soul chose along with your offspring created in the early spring of your young love. Once the morning dew has left, the fog of new love has dicipated and the cool evenings turn to humid nights things begin to change.