How Do You?

He used to admire me from afar but, then he decided to disturb my heart.

She had no idea, that she would be captured in such a short span of time. She hadn't forgotten what it feels like to let someone finally stay inside her heart. Then, she also remembered that it didn't last any longer than she ever dreamed it to and it caused more pain than anything ever could.

How he ended up with someone else that is what I'm still trying to figure out myself. How do you let go of the illusion that it was meant to be different? It wasn’t meant to be blood and tears and broken objects. I had bigger plans for us. We weren’t meant to be short term or be so unstable. How do you accept it for what it was, instead of holding onto a broken bit of string, insisting on trying to tie it back together?

I am nothing by myself, because your life and mine must be interwoven into this fabric of subtle transformation. We are both striving for the truth. If we come closer to it, we will burn together. But coming closer to you, just igniting me with your presence, I could feel the weight of gravity, the starving emotions, the perpetuity of life into the unknown, full of gradations and sensibility. 

However, this dance darling, this motion with the moon, has continued to flourish like the brocades, so, if this love would direct you, it is our common destiny, to be absorbed by its own duration. Because with you, I see everything in its explicitness, this excitability, the gradual sensations crystalline in nature, intermingling: my cravings, proudly asserting, drunk by the monologues that I yawn: the sum of accidents, mild caprices– how we create this ecstasy and ruin it.

You never realize it's unhealthy "love" until looking back, until realizing nothing was reciprocated, until you see selfishness was the underlying motive, emotions were avoided, words were evaded, manipulation persisted, and the only thing that kept you coming back was an idea, a plaguing spell, a distraction that swallowed you whole, a endless stream of hidden truths, a lie. 

You never realize until the relief hits, the mind can finally be quiet, the heart can finally be still, the soul can finally breathe, and finally you don't have to worry, things feel good, there is no more confusion, no more hopelessness, no more pleading between your heart and your mind. And when you realize you have been battling yourself all this time to leave, to move on, until you couldn't do anything else, the weight lifts, the war ends, you are free.