Trapped In Wonderland

If one day you don't love me anymore, please don't hesitate to tell me up front.     Dont wait.     Don't procrastinate or draw it out. Be open and tell me honestly like always.    

People come and go as they please. That’s a fact. And that’s why we have doors - so we have a say in who we let in. We should have mental and emotional doors too. Because when something is a fact, and when it plays out, you can’t blame it on people. You can only blame yourself for being ignorant. 

A normal day. At this point that’s all I crave. I’ll make it special. Let things go back to normal all over. Let me go back to work and meet my friends. Let it rain heavily this year but not as a threat - just friendly teasing. 

Over the years, I scattered secrets and parts of me like seeds and waited for them to take root. It wasn't something I did on purpose. It was only when months had passed that I noticed a dozen new flowers fighting their way through the concrete, and I failed to realise they were all mine. 

My world is painted with you. You are my sun and you are my moon. Without you there is no universe, there is no life. You are everything I am afraid to lose. You are my love and my light.

  I know you won’t check this for a very long time, so now is a good time for me to get some feelings and thoughts out in the open.

I still think back on us. Months later. Almost 6 months to be exact since we last spoke or saw each other. I still think of everything.

Meet Fool, the pet turtle I caught and kept for little over a month. He was caught out in Lake Lure and I brought him home and put him in an aquarium tank. I let him go because it was too much maintenance to take care of him and I felt bad for keeping him in such a tiny tank. 

He used to admire me from afar but, then he decided to disturb my heart.

When Angels of Darkness and Light Fall

People come and go as they please. That’s a fact. And that’s why we have doors - so we have a say in who we let in. We should have mental and emotional doors too. Because when something is a fact, and when it plays out, you can’t blame it on people.

"He used to admire me from afar..." she said tirelessly, "...but, then he decided to disturb my heart." She had no idea, that she will be captured in such a short span of time. She hadn't forgotten what it feels like to let someone finally stay inside her heart. 

- You see me and you think I’m dark, bold, secretive and harsh because I wear black and I keep to myself and I study everything, all of the time. But you don’t know that I’m just waiting for the right people to set me free from the gravity I’ve placed on myself. That my favorite color is yellow because it makes me feel light and warm and free. 

Sometimes I wonder if the memories of us will ever stop haunting me, like neverending whispers of a previous life. A life filled with happiness and peace and love. Or maybe I'm just remembering it all wrong. Maybe the happiness I'm remembering is construed and twisted. Maybe that happiness is the way my life was before I met you.

Let's give in and be together. But if we have gone backwards, before everything, that would mean I'm gonna fall for you all over again, right? Technically? Even though I already love you. I don't mind that. I just hope I don't shatter like I did before. 

I'm broken, something inside of me is broken. I can't love. The thought of love forms a pit in my stomach. The fear of being in a relationship is there and ever present. I hurt people, and I don't want to hurt anyone else. 

I like you. Much more than a friend. And I cant hold it anymore, I was holding it since october. You know at first I wasn't expecting for it to be this big, I had some crushes and they were like a week long. But not with you, oh no.

I thought I felt you forgetting me; each night you closed your eyes to sleep, I figured you would rise with one less detail about my face or my body memorized. 

It's weird, isn't it? How you can fall in love with someone at the most unexpected time and it be the most unexpected person. You can fall in love with someone that isn't your ideal Prince Charming or White Knight. Weird how that is.