From Time to Time
Your smile, your laugh, the way you walked and the sound of your voice. Some part of me deep down inside of me will always miss you and love you. But I do acknowledge that I don't need or want you back in my life. I can't have the destruction and pain you cause infecting me again. But I do realize we had a lot of extremely wonderful times together and shared precious memories, even one of a kind memories.
I know, I shouldn't even want anything to do with you. Not after the way you shattered me. Drove me over the edge, to a place where my only thoughts were of suicide. That's not healthy my dear. But I guess nothing about us ever was truly healthy.
I hope that you are doing well these days. Maybe someday we'll catch up in the grocery store. But I hope we have sense enough to leave it alone and walk away before we speak again.
I know you never meant to hurt me. And I know it hurt you when you did. You were the first and only person that I gave myself to fully. I trusted you explicitly and dangerously too much. I knew I couldn't have you but I still thought that I could make you love me and want me. I know, foolish thoughts.
Sometimes I wonder if I had done things differently if you'd still be a part of my life and me yours. But then I wonder, would it have been worth it? Would all the pain and suffering, lies and deceit, been worth it? Nah. I don't think so. Tragic though, it really is. How it ended between us. One day we were fine and laughing and hugging and having dinner, the next we were complete strangers.
