Broken

I'm broken, something inside of me is broken. I can't love. The thought of love forms a pit in my stomach. The fear of being in a relationship is there and ever present. I hurt people, and I don't want to hurt anyone else. 

I don't know why I'm a magnet. I don't know why I attract so many souls, broken and unbroken. They come to me looking for something to hope for. For something that isn't there. And when they leave, and they /will/ leave, they leave broken or even more shattered than when they came. 

I can't help but to blame you. I thought I loved you. I thought it would be you and me forever. You /promised/ me forever. I think what made me the biggest fool was thinking that you loved me back. You stabbed me in the back more times than I can count and I didn't even realize it until I was bleeding out. I cut you out of my life, and you left me broken.

I can't trust people anymore because of you. I can't love anymore because of you. I try to get close to someone, but then that ever growing pit lodges in my stomach and I back away, not even able to go forward. How long must I be subject to this cycle? 

You're happy with her, even after you shattered her too. I don't know why she stays, you treated her the same. How she can even trust you after what you did, I don't know. It'd be different if it was only once, but you did it countlessly. I long forgot what happiness was, and I don't think I'll ever feel it again. I'm just going to keep pushing away from people because that's who I am now. I wish people came with warning labels. Then I know people would stay far away from me.