Backwards
But if we have gone backwards, before everything, that would mean I'm gonna fall for you all over again, right? Technically? Even though I already love you. I don't mind that. I just hope I don't shatter like I did before.
Especially knowing you, for one excuse or another, don't wanna be with me like I wanna be with you. You don't love me like I do you. But I know you love me. I can see it in your eyes. You look at me differently than others and others notice that too. They get jealous. Mad. Hurt. That you'd look at me with love and not them. But why? Why keep up this charade and this distance? If I start to fall for you again and harder, I hope you catch me this time at least or I catch myself in time before I hit the ground and explode into a million little pieces to be blown away in the wind like dust.
Especially knowing you, for one excuse or another, don't wanna be with me like I wanna be with you. You don't love me like I do you. But I know you love me. I can see it in your eyes. You look at me differently than others and others notice that too. They get jealous. Mad. Hurt. That you'd look at me with love and not them. But why? Why keep up this charade and this distance? If I start to fall for you again and harder, I hope you catch me this time at least or I catch myself in time before I hit the ground and explode into a million little pieces to be blown away in the wind like dust.
I don't know why you keep telling yourself that you don't love me. I know you do. I can see it in your eyes and the way you walk around me. If you didn't love me, you wouldn't have held me so tightly and kissed me so gently. You wouldn't have saved my life that fateful night back in December. No, if you didn't love me or care about me, you would have ignored my texts and phone calls. But you chose to answer. You chose to rush to my place and bring me to the ER, while I bled all over your new car and all over your arms and chest when you walked me in. You wouldn't have sat and waited with me in the room, making sure the doctor closed up the wound. When they said they were taking me to the fifth floor, you understood why. I tried to kill myself and was blackout drunk, obviously they were gonna lock me up. But even though they did, you answered all my phone calls every day until I got out. If you didn't love me, you never would have done that or all the other things you did for me and with me.
What I don't understand now though, is why we no longer talk. Why do we no longer text each other and talk about our lives and how things are going? We went from talking and texting and constant phone calls every day and night to absolutely nothing at all, all in a blink of an eye. We went from knowing each other's deepest desires and secrets, to not knowing anything of the other.
I hope that whatever life throws at you and wherever you may go, that you will never forget me. I hope you always remember and hold closely the memories of you and I and the thousands of special moments we shared. I hope you do well and you find the happiness you deserve, even though it wasn't me. And I hope that someday, if we ever see each other again, that you'll recognize me and strike up a conversation - even if it's seemingly pointless or mundane.
