Letter To Love

Love,

Here goes nothing. I’m going to spill my heart out in this open-letter. You won’t see this anyway, no one will actually (except my very few followers).

You came back at the most unexpected time, popped up out of nowhere. I was already doing super fine, mind you. I knew how to survive without you, I did it without you, I could finally breathe without you. But you came back with no warnings, you came back and swept me off my feet (again).

I was quite hesitant at first, I didn’t want to believe in anything you were blurting out. I was closing my mind, building my walls even higher and trying to walk away from you, but the sweet talker that you are, you’ve captivated my heart again. Though I knew this wasn’t a permanent thing (as always) I still risked everything for you, with you and to you. 

I thought I made the right decision. I thought that we were already heading to something so wonderful but we weren’t. What we did was we added more scars to our relationship rather than just letting it be, letting it heal. We tampered with the healing process of our scars. 

Now all I can think about is walking away from what we’ve restarted not because I do not love you anymore, it’s because I’m hurting again, every fiber of my being is aching once again. Finally proved that loving you means killing myself daily, it means putting my heart and soul at the verge of a cliff and hoping that it won’t fall off when a soft breeze of air comes. 

Nothing in this world can change my mind when it comes to loving you, nothing. I will always love you the way that I do. Nevertheless, as you were away, I learnt how to love myself too, which means if it no longer brings me happiness, I will walk away and won’t turn around, again. I can and I will. 

You’ve given me a good amount of happiness, temporary happiness per say and for that I’m entirely grateful. I felt loved by you again, and that was something I have never prayed for nor wished for. I only wanted your happiness, your well being, it was always about you and never about me. I prayed for you every night, even during the days, weeks, months (years) that I was dying because of the misery I was experiencing. I prayed for you. But I guess God has His plans, even if I didn’t pray for you to come back to me, you did. 

Almost thought that it was God saying “It’s you, you’re the one for him” but no, it was Him saying “help him and guide him” and that’s what I did, my work is done though. You’re already doing so well with your life, though there are some rough roads but you’ve come a long way. You won’t be needing me anymore. 

Apologizing on behalf of my bitch-self. I know I can be a pain, and I am a fucking pain on the arse. Damn. but this is me, I’m trying to embrace who I am everyday. I’m tired of the uncertainty, I’m fed up with the chase, I’m done with the false hopes. This time love, I’m finally giving you up. I love you but 6 years is enough.