Formulation of Forever
Singular stars stippled densely over the vast skies of this lonely night in Manchester, the hustle and bustle of the populous attraction points weren’t really my thing, done it, seen it, so there’s no point. Committing to this same routine every night drains me of the sentimentality; but that’s all I have left of myself, and I don’t wanna lose it, it’s a comfort thing, all I’ve ever known. From a personal point of view, there’s something truly enchanting and sophisticated about emptiness, a theory of essentially nothing. Choosing emptiness over depression and his little relics is something I would do any day, just to slip away from the pain.
It was nights like these where I would just pray and pray and pray, despite having no belief in anything except nothing, I believed in nothing, because I was nothing. I pray for the emotional need which every spirit of this ravenous universe is dying for a taste of. Love. Goddam, the bitter resent yet sweet, luxurious sting as those 4 letters roll off my tongue sends a tidal wave of adrenaline over my dainty, pale frame. A corpse with it’s only legacy that his hearts beats through the state of purgatory, because that’s how i feel, nor dead or not dead... just.. nothing. My soul refuses to be cleansed, however allows itself to be torn to shreds, by the willingness of my own conscience.
And that’s where I’m at now, don’t drink, kids.
“Hey! Hey, are you okay?”
I broke out of my gaze to see a tall, alternative-looking woman towering over my seemingly lifeless body; with eyes bright enough to pierce through your vital organs as you state that you’re fine just to stop her from throwing you away like another one of her toys she got bored of too quickly. I’ve met people like her before, but no one quite as exceptional as this. My observant nature couldn’t help but notice her porcelain skin and fragments of a broken smile behind the one she’s spent months making, and her cute little button nose,, Ugh. FUCK. This can’t be happening.
I replied in my best submissive tone ,”Yeah, yeah haha don't worry about me, I'm good, go and enjoy your night”
“Well, i thought that instead of isolating yourself in a field whilst you’re shitfaced, you can come with me and my best friend, Allie, to this concert”
Blood stopped circulating around my body as if I wasn’t the only one stunned at the reality of this situation right now, but I wasn’t going to say no, of course.
Her smile dragged me directly into that minefield of hers, but I couldn’t stop myself from sliding down this spiral of attachment, no such thing as brakes or a ‘stop’ start’ button, which I guess is why everything feels so out of my control. She told me that the spare ticket she was using for me was her now ex-boyfriends, which explains a lot, and despite never meeting this girl other than tonight, she feels like home, a friendly, familiar face.
I’m already infatuated, though I’ll never tell. Watching her eyes get wider as she discusses a topic she feels strongly about, the way her lips crinkle when she takes a puff of a cigarette, and I’ll be honest, I hadn’t a clue what to do or how to act when I was plonked in front of someone as radiant as her- she was a star; and not just any star, she was the star that brimmed you with the inspiration to look up at the sky and dream of something more, she was my something more, she was an angel, crafted by Gods own exemplary hands.
My rigid lips will never be able to admit this to her, though, and the silk of her hair won’t write out what I need to do to have the privilege of making her mine. But in the meantime, she will flourish, I wish upon every star envious of her beauty and grace, that her fate undeniably lies within my arms, because I hope it’s my fate, and my time to formulate my forever.
