Times’ Fools
Your presence was the only constant I’d ever had in life and you know how it goes when we take things for granted. I’d never say I did, because there was never a time when I was not grateful for you. Never a time that I was not happy to have you on my side.
But if we're not careful, time makes fools of us and lets us slip into a state that feels too familiar to be special anymore. It gets easy to always follow in the same steps we've walked in before. To go no further than we have to, because well, we've already reached our destination, haven't we?
What are we looking for, where are we trying to get to, if we're already home? And we think that there is nothing that can kick our legs out from beneath us and make us stumble. But sometimes walking only as far as you have to is not far enough.
Maybe at one point you will feel like there is nothing to prove anymore. But there will always be something left to give. Something left to love. And if we stop trying because we're comfortable, the end may sneak up on us on silent feet. That's how I lost you. You'd become a shadow, or maybe that was me - I wouldn't know. You removed yourself from me. Your touches became lighter, your voice softer. I didn't notice it back then, the way your laughter became forced or how you hardly texted me anymore.
If somebody had asked me about you, I would've told them not to worry. I would've assured them you would come back around. But you never did. You were trying to find yourself and I lost you in the process. It's just that I never paid you enough attention. Never noticed your hand slowly untangling from mine. Your cups vanishing from the cupboard our kitchen, one by one. It is only when you spent years with someone and you lose them that you realise a long time spent together is still not long enough. And I'd do anything to get it back. To get you back.
I still remember how your picture looked like when I saw you for the first time; hair dishevelled, eyes dazzling and everything else seemed as messy as my mind. That naughty smile, your beard style and how I could already feel myself falling, maybe that's what they call love at first sight.
Rest of your pictures were simple and sweet, and your simplicity was enough to captivate me. That photo of yours in that sky blue shirt, the one you sent me early one morning, I remember how easily you could leave me with an immaculate smile. Sometimes, you acted like a silly kid and said things that made you sound immature and foolish, yet I could find myself falling for your flaws, your typos, your scars and every imperfection of yours.
You told me about your bad sense of humour and somehow you still made me laugh crazily at your meaningless jokes. The way my name sounded on your voice, dripping off your tongue like sweet honey. Oh, I still remember most of those moments, those memories are still alive. I don't think of forgetting you anymore. Maybe, I will carry you inside the pockets of my heart forevermore.
I really miss you and without your calls I still can't fall asleep. I miss listening to your voice and talking to you from midnight till sunrise. It's been a long time since I took your name, I am scared to even whisper it now, for I'm aware that you are never coming back to me.
My arms shall crave you till eternity; the eternity you promised to spend by my side, the forever you made me dream of while wrapping me in your arms. And darling, maybe you never meant all that you said, maybe it was my fault that I ate your lies thinking it was love whilst it was nothing, simply nothing at all.