Chapters of Life

People always leave. And some even ghost you now. It hurts, I know. But you also know that the only person you need in the book of your life, from the prologue to the end is you. 

Some chapters will be more wholesome than others where you're surrounded by so many friends and lovers and well wishers. Where celebrating festivals and victories is glorious and you have moments you'll forever cherish. But then you'll also have those chapters where you need to rid yourself of toxic people and those who never even in a thought unborn have ever thought well of you. Drama drama drama. Those chapters will be exciting and draining. 

Then there will be those where it will be lonely and not much will happen. It may not be exciting for a reader but may be beneficial for you. Because in those chapters your story can be character driven with a lot of self development. It doesn't have to be interesting to others - your life, your story - it only has to be nourishing and lovely for you. 

Unlike a book, however, you won't just have one arch. There won't just be one heartbreak and one major fuck up and one bout of sadness. It will all recur. But so will the good stuff. The first perfect dates and kisses and the start of solid friendships. Remember but no matter how solid, it will all crack. And break and shatter and hurt and not exist in the coming chapters of your life. 

Even though those characters were leads in your story previously, they may cease to even exist further. They won't even be around as side characters. And that it okay. Even if, as you cry so hard that your heart physically hurts and you can't breathe, it seems like it's never going to be okay. I don't know how we can categorise the chapters of our life for convenience. As per years? Ages? For me, with my birthday in February, it's one and the same thing. 2020, or shall I say 23, has been terrible. 

So I can only assume in retrospect it will strike me as a year that I learned to take the really hard stuff in life and still make it to the next chapter. Right now, I don't have friends or love interests who are bringing me flowers or cards or books as I'm unwell and sad and processing life as it is now. But I have my words and some yet who truly love me and the sky. So let me make it to another chapter, another year. I'll cut my hair and change my attitude towards people. The tonality of the book will now be different. 

Everyone wants forevers and I see the beauty in the impermanence of things. I've learned that love comes and goes and that trying to hold onto it is the worst mistake. Feelings change, evolve just as people do. Many people avoid falling in love because they do not see a forever on the horizon. That seems ridiculous to me. Why should I deny myself the feeling and that precious space in which love comes to rest between the two just because some day it will take to its wings and fly again? 

I have had loves that from the beginning I knew would not be forever but I never denied myself the opportunity to love, to be happy, to create memories that still now wreathe smiles on my lips. In the impermanence of things there are beautiful things too; things that are appreciated for a moment,stored in memory, and then disappear. I dedicate myself to living there and making each moment eternal in my poetry, in my memory. We waste too much time looking ahead and let the now slip through our hands.