Too Much
Every morning I awaken in hopes of finding you under the covers, perhaps on the other side of the bed but our reality keeps us miles away. I can't help but wonder what coffee tastes like on your lips, if you'd like them silky smooth, or bitterly burnt. Every inch of the day closes in on me, keeping you a constant in my thoughts.
Every breeze carried by the wind has a hint of whisper, giggling your name. I long for a warmth I've never felt before, I ache for the touch of your skin, for familiarity, to truly know you. I wish I could come up behind you and hold you close whenever I felt like the world was too much for me, to savour the smell of your cologne that’ll keep me company while you were gone. I wish I could curl into your arms every single day and night, seeking refuge in a love never before seen, to lose myself in you, to lose myself with you. I like to imagine we belonged together in another lifetime, perhaps even one of the past, I like the way we think together, the way you complete my sentences and oftentimes, me. I think of nights spent drinking wine on the streets of Italy and Paris, getting lost in places between the allies and perhaps, in your eyes.
Whenever I’m alone again, consumed by the thoughts of us, I hold myself together, praying no one else gets to touch and kiss you the way I do. The way I would... I like our odds my love. I read through our old messages tonight when you used to tell me how much you loved me and that I meant everything to you. The words you said mean everything to me but it hurts knowing they don’t mean anything anymore. I know it’s really over this time and it’s stupid for me to say but I’m not going to deny that I miss you or that I still love you because I do. I know that I can’t do anything anymore, I need to let you go because it’s only fair to you. It’s the right thing to do and there’s nothing left to hold onto.
After everything I did I know it probably isn’t fair of me to be saying this but I’m sorry. I’m sorry because I know it was my fault, I’m sorry for the mistakes I made, I’m sorry for hurting you, I’m sorry for all the things I did to make you jealous and mad. I’m sorry for ending it but I was hoping you would’ve understood that I did it for you. Thank you for everything because you really did make me so happy. Thank you for all the times you made me laugh and smile. Thank you for the good days when holding your hand felt like home and hearing your voice made everything alright. It was worth it. You were the best and worst thing to ever happen to me.
I think we were just too alike when we were good we were great but when we
fought we said and did awful things. I knew one of us would get hurt. We
understand each other too well. We understand how to act in order to cause hurt
that shatters souls. We know how to tear each other apart just like we
know how to build each other up. I’ll accept that something’s are supposed to
end even thought I used to think we never would. I know your life no longer
includes me now, you’re happy and I am honestly glad you are. You’ve found
someone who’s all I wasn’t and who’s love is all that ours couldn’t be. I hope
she makes you so happy, I hope she doesn’t hurt you and I hope she doesn’t
break your heart. I don’t regret loving you but I do regret that I let
myself believe I could make it work. I won’t forget you or our memories I’ll
just get used to not having you in my life anymore.I still think you deserve
the best and I hope she gives you everything that I couldn’t.
