What Hurts The Most

I’m convinced that what hurts us the most in life is lack of clarity. It’s the not having closure, always wondering, being confused part of the bad things that happen to us that destroys us. 

Because when we don’t know the answer to something we really want to know the answer to, we can’t stop thinking about it. Whether it’s why we didn’t get into a school or why we lost a job or why someone broke up with us or why a parent or friend abandoned us. We literally cannot get it out of our heads and we’ll think about the same situations over and over and analyze the same words hundreds of times, thinking we’ll somehow come up with the answers, but we never do. Because we’re not psychics or mind readers so that’s impossible. 

THAT’S what’s impossible to get over, it’s not what actually happened, it’s the not knowing why it happened. I promise you. If people were just straightforward, if someone literally said look you have everything I’m looking for you’re just too tall for me and I can’t date a girl taller than me I’m sorry. YES, that would suck, but it would be possible to get over because it’s a real and tangible reason and it’s something that you can’t control or change. 

So your self confidence might waver temporarily and you’ll probably cry, but you can eventually just accept that fact of life- that some people are going to reject you solely for your height- and hate him forever and move on. And I know that’s a bad example. But the point is that when people just leave and don’t tell us why we weren’t good enough, it gives us something to obsess over. Possibly for years. Because it could be anything. 

So we keep thinking about all the things we did wrong, trying to figure out what it was that drove him away or why he never called us back. And what do you think happens when we spend that much time focusing on our flaws? We start to hate ourselves. 

So instead when someone leaves we have to train ourselves to tell ourselves all the amazing things about us that he is giving up on and focus on those over and over and over. Make his favorite cookies for yourself and say out loud that he’s never going to have these again. Do your hair and put on some heels and go out with somebody else and when he tells you you’re beautiful, believe it. And next time someone says you did a good job on something, say “I know.” Because there’s nothing wrong with you, just because one person couldn’t see what was right in front of them, it doesn’t mean everyone else can’t. He is the one who lost, he is the one missing out.  Don’t focus on what parts of yourself weren’t good enough, focus on the parts that were so good he’s going to miss them.