Trapped In Wonderland

He used to admire me from afar but, then he decided to disturb my heart.

Darkness all along. Darkness who listens, darkness what eats, darkness when needed, darkness where feeds, darkness whose my friend, darkness whom I've been. 

I know we've never been "together." I know you said to move on. I tried to be fine with wading this weather, but the love in my heart still tells me it's wrong.

When Angels of Darkness and Light Fall

People come and go as they please. That’s a fact. And that’s why we have doors - so we have a say in who we let in. We should have mental and emotional doors too. Because when something is a fact, and when it plays out, you can’t blame it on people.

"He used to admire me from afar..." she said tirelessly, "...but, then he decided to disturb my heart." She had no idea, that she will be captured in such a short span of time. She hadn't forgotten what it feels like to let someone finally stay inside her heart. 

It didn’t dawn on me until I laid down an hour ago. I had distracted myself all day but deep in the pit of my stomach, I knew something was off. I shrugged it off though and I laughed and danced around, happy as a bird in the spring. But then I laid down to sleep and that notification went off…

- You see me and you think I’m dark, bold, secretive and harsh because I wear black and I keep to myself and I study everything, all of the time. But you don’t know that I’m just waiting for the right people to set me free from the gravity I’ve placed on myself. That my favorite color is yellow because it makes me feel light and warm and free. 

Sometimes I wonder if the memories of us will ever stop haunting me, like neverending whispers of a previous life. A life filled with happiness and peace and love. Or maybe I'm just remembering it all wrong. Maybe the happiness I'm remembering is construed and twisted. Maybe that happiness is the way my life was before I met you.

Let's give in and be together. But if we have gone backwards, before everything, that would mean I'm gonna fall for you all over again, right? Technically? Even though I already love you. I don't mind that. I just hope I don't shatter like I did before. 

I'm broken, something inside of me is broken. I can't love. The thought of love forms a pit in my stomach. The fear of being in a relationship is there and ever present. I hurt people, and I don't want to hurt anyone else. 

I like you. Much more than a friend. And I cant hold it anymore, I was holding it since october. You know at first I wasn't expecting for it to be this big, I had some crushes and they were like a week long. But not with you, oh no.

I thought I felt you forgetting me; each night you closed your eyes to sleep, I figured you would rise with one less detail about my face or my body memorized. 

I remember it. I remember it all. The first time our eyes met, my world changed. On day one, you told me not to take constructive criticisms seriously and that we don’t deserve anything less. You said you believe in me and that I have talents and potentials or maybe more. Day by day, I felt like a brand new me because I am learning a lot from you.

It's weird, isn't it? How you can fall in love with someone at the most unexpected time and it be the most unexpected person. You can fall in love with someone that isn't your ideal Prince Charming or White Knight. Weird how that is.